so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
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I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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