ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
how drunk are you?
Several
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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