how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
