I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
