i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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