I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
