So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
