I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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