if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
