I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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