His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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