he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
