dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
