I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
