my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
