he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
