Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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