Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
