I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
