So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
