I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just invented taco cereal.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
