lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
is wine microwaveable?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
