And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
