her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
