just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
