oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
