apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
