I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
