It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
