I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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