Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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