She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
