people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
