apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's blow job season.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
