I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
