whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
pray to the hookup gods
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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