i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
