Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
