Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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