Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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