His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
