Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
They are going to name an STD after you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
