From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
