She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
