i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
