i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
