pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
