North Korea, Best Korea!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
