he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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