Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
