seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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