the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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