Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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