Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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