So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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