Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
