I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
