Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize