If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
