Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
