I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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