Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
