I want to have your abortion
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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