I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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