fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dick very happy bro
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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