i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
