you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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