Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
