I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
