paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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