First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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