i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
