I just made out with a guy for $7.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
