i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
