So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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