I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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