i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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