I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
