Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
